Day 16 Conscious Gratitude
Feeling grateful while grieving is difficult.
Yes it is. Loie, is our daughter. She is a beautiful gift, and an amazing, sweet little stinker. But, she is NOT a consolation prize. The notion of, "well, at least you've still got the one" is so insulting. If someone tells you their mother died, you don't say, "well at least your dad's still alive, right?" its harsh and insensitive :( They were two separate children, and the fact that we still have Loie, does not make the loss of Pearl any less. That having been said, I am grateful that we did get to bring Loie home. I am grateful for this because we almost didn't get to. I am grateful that she is defying the odds and meeting her milestones, and that she is relatively healthy, all things considered. I am grateful for Lennon. I am grateful that we have the most amazing, sweet, smart, funny little boy to be a big brother to Loie (and Pearl.) I am grateful because I know not everyone is lucky enough to have children when they are longing to. I am grateful for my husband who is my best friend, and who gets it all, who has been there with me through the absolute worst. I love our little family.
Day 17 Make Believe
"Make believe I'm everywhere. Given in the light."
Imagine that Pearl is with me, hold her in my heart everywhere I go.
I think I do this. Pearl is everywhere. She is the dragonflies zooming past Lennon when he plays in the yard. She is the moonlight. She is the sparkle in Loie's beautiful blue eyes. She is the beat in my heart. She is the sunrise and the rainbows and the twinkling stars. She is forever my baby.
Feeling grateful while grieving is difficult.
Yes it is. Loie, is our daughter. She is a beautiful gift, and an amazing, sweet little stinker. But, she is NOT a consolation prize. The notion of, "well, at least you've still got the one" is so insulting. If someone tells you their mother died, you don't say, "well at least your dad's still alive, right?" its harsh and insensitive :( They were two separate children, and the fact that we still have Loie, does not make the loss of Pearl any less. That having been said, I am grateful that we did get to bring Loie home. I am grateful for this because we almost didn't get to. I am grateful that she is defying the odds and meeting her milestones, and that she is relatively healthy, all things considered. I am grateful for Lennon. I am grateful that we have the most amazing, sweet, smart, funny little boy to be a big brother to Loie (and Pearl.) I am grateful because I know not everyone is lucky enough to have children when they are longing to. I am grateful for my husband who is my best friend, and who gets it all, who has been there with me through the absolute worst. I love our little family.
Day 17 Make Believe
"Make believe I'm everywhere. Given in the light."
Imagine that Pearl is with me, hold her in my heart everywhere I go.
I think I do this. Pearl is everywhere. She is the dragonflies zooming past Lennon when he plays in the yard. She is the moonlight. She is the sparkle in Loie's beautiful blue eyes. She is the beat in my heart. She is the sunrise and the rainbows and the twinkling stars. She is forever my baby.
i carry your heart with me(i carry it in
my heart)i am never without it(anywhere
i go you go,my dear;and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling)
i fear
no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want
no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it’s you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you
here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart
i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)
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