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Happy Birthday Babies


February 10th! Loie and Pearl's birthday, it was here so fast!

I don't think I even need to comment on how emotional of a day this was for us. It was good bad and ugly. It was sweet and draining and amazing. How grateful we are to have Loie still here with us, smiling to celebrate her birthday... words can't describe. And how sad we are to know that Pearl is missing her party with her sister... well, there are no words for that either.


Loie wore a beautiful party dress, which had a bow, conveniently located near her mouth for her to chew on all day! Mom didn't plan that very well.... It was an orange dress. Pearl's stuffed dragon that she had by her bed in the NICU was orange, so this was my homage to her, Loie tasted some cake frosting and LOVED it! And yes, we sang happy birthday to "Loie and Pearly." and I only teared up once...  This day, I'm sure, will only get harder. Someday, Loie might start to ask us about her sister. She will miss her too. And I don't know how I'm going to answer when she asks me why her sister couldn't be here with her, because I don't think there is an answer. And I think as the birthday parties go on through the years, and things are in full swing, Loie and Lennon will catch their mom and dad wiping tears around the corner, staring out the window and smiling, trying to hide our broken hearts. It's just the way it is.


Loie- you are amazing! You were all but written off by some people, very early in your life. You pushed through. You endured things that I shudder to think about... you carry the scars with you... I'm sorry, baby. But you know, it made you the strong amazing little girl you are today. Your first birthday! You defy the odds all the time, just by being your sweet, smiling self. And no matter what life brings for you, and no matter how hard things seem, know that Mama and Daddy are here, we "got you" girl. You WILL go on to do great things. When there are doubters, listen to them. Take note of what they think you can't do, and then go do it. In your own time and in your own way. And through it all, know that your sister, your twin, your other half, is not gone from you, but instead, she is with you, rejoined in your soul forever. Because twins are forever, and she lives in you.

Pearl- My sweet Pearl.... My heart will be broken for the rest of my life. Until I get to see you again. I love you more today than ever before, and I will love you more each day. I see you... I see your face in Loie's all the time. When she sleeps softly... when she grimaces. When she rests her right arm next to her face, the same way you did. I am remembering the good things more and more, about your life. It's been hard to focus on those ones, but I am trying my best. I don't want to lose those memories the way that I lost you. Remember when I cried beside you... begging you to stay? That's how I feel about our memories now... stay. Stay with us in our hearts and our dreams. We will keep your memory alive. I love you Pearl, you will always be my baby. We will always speak your name. Happy Birthday Pearly.

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