"The smell of hospitals in winter
And the feeling that it's all a lot of oysters but no pearls
All at once you look across a crowded room
To see the way that light attaches to a girl
And it's been a long December and there's reason to believe
Maybe this year will be better than the last
I can't remember all the times I tried to tell myself
To hold on to these moments as they pass"
It's been a rough week. We've all come down with one illness or another.. Strep throat, a nasty cold, an ear infection.... It sucks when your kids are crying and you can't help, meanwhile you also feel sick and drained and run down... I think everything catches up to you eventually. Maybe the year we've had is finally beginning to hit us, physically. Our spirits have been run down for awhile now, and missing our daughter definitely isn't getting any easier. If anything, it gets harder. Seeing Loie smile at us, and looking into her eyes, knowing that Pearl would look just the same if she were still here- it's hard. She should still be here.... But she's not. And she won't ever be again. Looking at Loie's toys I wonder which ones would have been Pearl's favorites. I wonder if they would keep each other company, cooing and kicking, and reaching out to one another; smiling at the other baby with the same exact grin. I know Loie will grow up with an emptiness. She will always miss her sister, and we will have that in common. I just hope she finds some kind of peace and comfort in knowing that her sister was here, and that she's always with her.
Loie hit 11 pounds! She is really starting to get an appetite! I'm amazed by her everyday. In the midst of the germapalooza, she has had a very slight sniffle. No more than that. (knock on wood)
It doesn't bother her one bit. She is a professional, mind you, we are the amateurs at having ailments ;) She's like, "A cold? Please, -try pneumonia" Or a chest tube! I couldn't even deal with that...
Lennon is a MESS when he is sick!! I feel awful, not knowing what is going on with him since he can't communicate to us what is hurting or not feeling good. We knew he had a runny nose, and his voice sounded off, like possibly he had a sore throat. He gets really upset when he can't breathe through his nose, and will NOT sleep for anything!!! He was up until 4:30 am crying for many many nights this week..... Well, Justin wound up with Strep throat, so, off to the doctor we all went! Not the fun family outings I envisioned on my days off, but oh well... Justin was the only strep-casualty, and Lennon has a bad ear infection. I had no clue his ear was hurting... :( It's his right ear, and the same side of his head that he alllways has his hand on, twirling his hair, etc. Poor thing couldn't let me know he was hurting there, and/or I failed to pick up on his clues. Good news is, he LOVES the bubble gum flavored antibiotics, and for the first time ever, is voluntarily putting medicine in his mouth! No screaming/kicking/flailing! He does it himself!! Okay, how about bubble gum flavored EVERYTHING??? Bubble gum broccoli? yes please!
We are plugging along and just trying to survive this test of a week together. The weather is beginning to change. This time last year, we found out we were having twins.....
Where did the year go???? It is all just a blur.... I don't even have very many pictures of me while I was pregnant. It seems like a myth, like just a story of a distant time in our lives, but it was just last year. How??
With Lennon being so sick, I found myself in his room, holding him, rocking him back and forth in the darkness. He had troubles sleeping last year and I would rock him to sleep most nights. As my belly grew, I adjusted how I held him, but I still held him. Swaying and counting.... at least 200 rocks back and forth, then he should be asleep.... Okay, just 50 more.... my back ACHED and my arms were numb and tingly, and I had the worst heartburn with this giant kid pressing on my pregnant belly, but I didn't mind. It was the only time I got to rock all three of my babies at the same time. I'll never get that time again.
And the feeling that it's all a lot of oysters but no pearls
All at once you look across a crowded room
To see the way that light attaches to a girl
And it's been a long December and there's reason to believe
Maybe this year will be better than the last
I can't remember all the times I tried to tell myself
To hold on to these moments as they pass"
It's been a rough week. We've all come down with one illness or another.. Strep throat, a nasty cold, an ear infection.... It sucks when your kids are crying and you can't help, meanwhile you also feel sick and drained and run down... I think everything catches up to you eventually. Maybe the year we've had is finally beginning to hit us, physically. Our spirits have been run down for awhile now, and missing our daughter definitely isn't getting any easier. If anything, it gets harder. Seeing Loie smile at us, and looking into her eyes, knowing that Pearl would look just the same if she were still here- it's hard. She should still be here.... But she's not. And she won't ever be again. Looking at Loie's toys I wonder which ones would have been Pearl's favorites. I wonder if they would keep each other company, cooing and kicking, and reaching out to one another; smiling at the other baby with the same exact grin. I know Loie will grow up with an emptiness. She will always miss her sister, and we will have that in common. I just hope she finds some kind of peace and comfort in knowing that her sister was here, and that she's always with her.
Loie hit 11 pounds! She is really starting to get an appetite! I'm amazed by her everyday. In the midst of the germapalooza, she has had a very slight sniffle. No more than that. (knock on wood)
It doesn't bother her one bit. She is a professional, mind you, we are the amateurs at having ailments ;) She's like, "A cold? Please, -try pneumonia" Or a chest tube! I couldn't even deal with that...
Lennon is a MESS when he is sick!! I feel awful, not knowing what is going on with him since he can't communicate to us what is hurting or not feeling good. We knew he had a runny nose, and his voice sounded off, like possibly he had a sore throat. He gets really upset when he can't breathe through his nose, and will NOT sleep for anything!!! He was up until 4:30 am crying for many many nights this week..... Well, Justin wound up with Strep throat, so, off to the doctor we all went! Not the fun family outings I envisioned on my days off, but oh well... Justin was the only strep-casualty, and Lennon has a bad ear infection. I had no clue his ear was hurting... :( It's his right ear, and the same side of his head that he alllways has his hand on, twirling his hair, etc. Poor thing couldn't let me know he was hurting there, and/or I failed to pick up on his clues. Good news is, he LOVES the bubble gum flavored antibiotics, and for the first time ever, is voluntarily putting medicine in his mouth! No screaming/kicking/flailing! He does it himself!! Okay, how about bubble gum flavored EVERYTHING??? Bubble gum broccoli? yes please!
We are plugging along and just trying to survive this test of a week together. The weather is beginning to change. This time last year, we found out we were having twins.....
Where did the year go???? It is all just a blur.... I don't even have very many pictures of me while I was pregnant. It seems like a myth, like just a story of a distant time in our lives, but it was just last year. How??
With Lennon being so sick, I found myself in his room, holding him, rocking him back and forth in the darkness. He had troubles sleeping last year and I would rock him to sleep most nights. As my belly grew, I adjusted how I held him, but I still held him. Swaying and counting.... at least 200 rocks back and forth, then he should be asleep.... Okay, just 50 more.... my back ACHED and my arms were numb and tingly, and I had the worst heartburn with this giant kid pressing on my pregnant belly, but I didn't mind. It was the only time I got to rock all three of my babies at the same time. I'll never get that time again.
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